Wednesday, 2 November 2016

DESPERATE FOR THE RING ( single with a purpos)

I decided to write this article for some genuine reason as followed 1. I am still single 2. I want to pass some knowledge to my single sisters 3. You knew what they say, never take advice from a single sister when you are married, hence this topic is exclusively directed to single sisters.  Some people may be offended by the topic " desperate for the ring". First let me point out my reason for choosing such topic. Many of us don't see "the ring" beyond a fancy adornment that beautify our middle finger and announces our status without us saying a word. This superficial knowledge of what the ring really represent is what make many fail to fulfill purpose in marriage. The ring is a symbol of unity, wholeness completeness and eternity. Since the ring symbolizes the Union of two people, then we may want to ask the question, Union for the purpose of what? Here is where majority of us are missing it because we lack purpose for our lives we are not concerned with developing ourselves, to prepare ourselves for what lies ahead of us in the future hence we do all the whole relationship thing wrongly and end up in bad marriages. 

Being single is seen as a plague in many societies. Majority of people have a bad impression about single-hood. If you belong to captain age group and unmarried some people tend to treat you with less respect than you deserve. The psychological and emotional torture that accompanies such poor treatment lead many matured single to make unhealthy choices which eventually lead many into disempowering relationships and marriages. To overcome all these relationship incidence is important that we develop ourselves by 1. Finding ourselves 2. Discovering our purpose 3. Building ourselves. 

FIND YOURSELF: before I go into detail with this sub-topic, I had like the reader to answer these questions personally.  It is important that you travel through your mind and sincerely tell yourself the truth. Being sincere to yourself by answering these questions is a step forward to embracing change and being that individual God really wants you to be. Who are you? What do you want from life? How often do you make significant decisions for yourself? Do you easily dismiss your own opinion and take up the opinions of others without reasoning? Are you really an independent thinker? Do you prefer giving the opinions of some spiritual leaders or sages in order to avoid being judged? How often do you exercise your faculty of independent reasoning? Do you fear being different among your coworkers or friends? How often do you dare to stand alone? What are your value system? What are your belief system? Do you have a low self esteem of yourself? Matured singles tend to experience so much pressure in many societies and the inaudible chorus that is expressed in the look and gait of many that they are surrounded by is "GO GET MARRIED". The large portion of people in many societies condemn singleness and overrate marriage. The truth is our minds have been conditioned in such a way that we see singleness as a threat. The mindset may have come from our basic nature as a social specie since as mankind we tend to form bond with people, neighbors, friends, family, business associates and since our whole existence is tied to forming bonds, we tend to feel cut off or alienated when we are outside the bond of marriage. Because we fail to find ourselves we fall victim of the consequences of poor choices. Because we have become too dependent on the opinions of public figures and the opinions of many in the society we fail to develop our faculty of independent reasoning. Thinking for yourself make you develop a mind of your own. But their is a difference between thinking for yourself and processing other people's opinion to arrive at your own conclusion. Exercising your faculty of independence does not mean you dismiss the opinions or advice of other people, it means you are open minded enough to listen and make your own personal decision. Understand that every individuals process their thoughts differently and since majority of individuals have not yet known their opinions their is a high possibility that their thoughts are or view points are about you are often clouded by biases, stereotype and prejudice. Love yourself, grow your mind, evolve psychologically, emotionally and mentally. When you fail to develop all these faculties you easily succumb to other people's negative view of you and when a man appears from nowhere you don't care if the two of you are compatible to some degree or share the same value system, you just desperately accept his proposal and cover up regret, pain, and depression with some motivation quotes on social media. But people are too smart for that, they will notice. The truth is you can't find yourself if you don't learn to think for yourself. Finding yourself means you have to be courageous to accept the real you. Many individuals today are clone figures of many others. They don't have power over their lives, their decisions, their actions. Finding yourself is the basis for being the very person that you have to be in life to feel successful at a personal level. 

" God will not have his work made manifest by cowards- Ralph Waldo Emerson".

DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE: you can't manifest that light within you when you fail to discover your purpose. You can't manifest that light within when you continue to make the crowd your shield.  To many the ring is a sign of protection. Protection from shame. To many the ring is a shield. To many the ring is where they draw their sense of self esteem and when the topic of singles or the unmarried arises in many religious gathering, streets, public gathering and many spots gossips assemble they feel esteemed in their own eyes and feel like they have just escaped from some embarrassment. Marriage should not be seen as a means of covering up emptiness but a means of blessing your partner with your gift. The discovery of purpose is an essential aspect of living a life of adventure. When you discover your purpose life become meaningful to you. When you discover your purpose and follow through you see yourself as someone who is significant, who is needed and someone whose action has significant impact in the whole. 

BUILD YOURSELF: to have power over your life you have to consciously grow your mind. Being single is a period to grow yourself . The period for self discovery, the period to grow in confidence, the period to grow in knowledge. Be willing to learn. All these virtues are not meant for a selected few, you have to earn it. If you fail to pursue all these life requirement for the successful development of your being the "wedding ring" will end up becoming a shield that cover up void in your life. 

Thanks for reading this article. I dedicate this article to God Almighty who is the source of inspiration and knowledge. 

Written by : Uwagboe Anthonia Peace. 

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