Tuesday, 16 August 2016


In the course of our lives we come across some people who we are attracted to based on their approach, kind nature, intelligence, friendliness, general disposition, and because we thought in our minds they were good people  as a result of all the good qualities that appear visible and appealing to us, we decide to be their friends. Along the line, our relationships with them becomes shaky as a result of differences in personal interest, personal goals, view points, value systems, belief system, life experiences, level of exposure and emotional intelligence. Sometimes we are amazed by their level of inconsideration, lack of concern they manifest and their willingness to sacrifice the relationship over some argument and misunderstanding and then we conclude in our minds that they gave us a false impression of who they really are the first time we met them.  Realizing how easily they disengage emotionally from us we then begin to understand  how insignificant we have been in their lives and we begin to tell ourselves they are not good people and have been pretending all along. 

 Because as mankind our existence is tied to forming bond, to forming relationship with others, we feel a sense of regret, disappointment and we feel betrayed when these people we believe to be our friends start to show their true nature. The sense of disappointment, betrayal and regret we feel towards their willingness to walk out of the relationship is a result of how much we hold our relationship with them in high esteem. Unfortunately the connection these kind of people make with us is often not deep because it is tied to some selfish motives. These kind of people make a huge scene out of small issues, come up with emotional blackmail, the become malicious towards you just to find ways to leave because what attracted them in the first place is no longer coming. A lot of time we get carried away by their friendliness but we do not see how subtly they take advantage of us. 

As mankind our lives revolve around forming bonds. We cannot function effectively outside of relationships. We yearn for relationships because it is a core aspect of our being. We were born into families where our first relationship started, then we join many social groups where different activities are assigned to us in our various schools, churches, mosque, workplace etc and on a personal level we still form bonds with lovers and friends since as individuals relationship is an integral aspect of our existence, of our lives. Since on a personal level we invest so much emotions in our relationships, we feel emotionally injured when people who we thought were our true friends start showing their true selves. To save ourselves from aches and unnecessary drama that often happen to people it is important we find out the motives behind such people's friendliness and good behavior towards us before becoming good friends with them. It is easy to spot such individuals motives. Carefully listen to what they talk about, their motives is tied to where their interest lies. A lot of time these people form bonds with you because they want something from you, and they remain with you because they are getting something from you. Often time they approach you in a friendly manner because they want to sell things to you, they want you to be their financial buddies ( a source where they can lend money when they are broke), they want you to lend them shoes and dress etc, they want to know more about your family background and history, they want a gossip partner, they want to relive themselves of boredom, they want to know more about your personal life, they want to know about your financial statue etc. These reasons because they are too ephemeral or not deeply rooted prevent them from forming strong bond with you. A lot of time to cover their dark side they come up with emotional blackmail just to make you feel guilty and as a result you give more, open up more just to erase the feeling of guilt you feel.

 As mankind we often make certain decisions which often come back to hurt us and make us feel regret. The feeling of regret, disappointment, pain when a friend drops you because you are no longer useful to them or you are no longer meeting their needs is a result of your inability to make the right choice of friend. Friendship goes beyond keeping each others company. A lot of time people just view friendship as a means of escaping boredom which is why they just accept anyone that comes to them without getting to know their true motive. Friendship goes beyond keeping each other company, it serves a deeper purpose. The quality of our friends determine the quality of our lives and it has such a huge impact in shaping our destinies. Finding yourself is at the heart of self discovery when you discover who you are. Who you are, your purpose in life, it has a huge impact in the choice of friends you keep. Never underestimate the power of friendship. People with purpose are drawn to you based on what they seek to impact and not what they want to get from you. 

Thanks for reading this article. I dedicate this article to the Almighty God who is the source of   Inspiration and knowledge.

Written by: Uwagboe Anthonia Peace

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